The Final Child-Free Christmas

It's odd to think of it that way, but never again will we have a child-free Christmas. From now on, it's all about perpetuating the Santa ruse, assembly-required toys (good luck, kid...daddy's none too sharp in that respect), and no bite-size ornaments hanging from the tree. But of course, kids make Christmas so much more exciting, so our house will be bustling with energy around this time in a couple of years. Lenny serves as a child in training and goes ballistic with the many new chewables he gets every year, and adding a child to that mix will pretty much make a madhouse of the Thomas estate every Christmas. Now, if only we could keep Lenny from stealing the baby's plush toys...

Urine Nation

It is a true sign of commitment when you find yourself taking a jug containing 24 hours of your wife's urine in it to the doctor's office. Had to keep it cold, too. Right next to the o.j. in the fridge.

Shelley had to have a test for preeclampsia, yet another one of those mysterious pregnancy ailments that we never knew existed until now. As it turned out, she did not have it, which was a relief. Not only will she not swell up like a snausage, but I also won't have to mispronounce it any more.

It's a real show stopper when you waltz into the doctor's office, slap the big orange jug on the counter and tell them, "I have some urine for you." Had I not been in a hurry, I would have delighted in spraying the jug with some water before taking it into the clinic, splatting it on the counter and saying, "Leaky, huh. Thought I smelled something in the car."

The madness of nesting

"Nesting" is generally a term that is stamped on expectant mothers and their quest to prepare the "nest" for the baby's arrival. But I've got to say that men are just as bad. Shunning any semblance of fitness (Man boobs: ETA mid-2006 if I continue at my current level of weightlifting commitment and scheduling), I have been compelled to basically fix every single project in the home, inside and out. It literally eats up every Saturday and doing the unthinkable, I have eschewed NFL football for things like insulation and bagging leaves the past few weeks. My fantasy football teams have made that decision easier, but that's fodder for another blog.

I'm getting plenty done, but there's always something new. I figure I give the kid 3-6 months to get used to things like air and sunlight, then he or she will get a nice pair of work gloves so they can give me hand. Especially during mowing season.