"I Like Bats" and "Dathsss"

Wow, it’s been a long time since I updated this thing. Parenthood comes before bloggery, remember that. Lyndon sprang forth a truly classic Lyndonism last week, as I put him to bed in the usual fashion, I said “Goodnight son, I love you.” He responded with, “I like bats.” Tough act to follow! I admitted that I too liked bats, and he said, “Mommy is afraid of them.” I agreed that she was, and he said, “you’re not afraid of them?” I said, “no,” though I figured I wouldn’t react all that well to a bat landing on the back of my neck (see Chris Farley in “Black Sheep”). He said, “I’m not afraid of them, either.” Which is true. He’s really not afraid of anything, which of course is a double-edged sword. “Don’t grab the snake/spider/werewolf/Michael Jackson photo, etc.” is a regular phrase around the house as we try to balance Lyndon’s curiosity for critters with his safety.

Lyndon’s also very talkative now. It’s continual and sometimes he really hits you with some hard questions. For example, I found a praying mantis in the yard and showed it to him. Later that night, he asked, “Does it have a bootie?” Being a parent isn’t just about finding the right schools, teaching manners, and deciding how long to fool your kids into thinking there’s a fairy willing to dole out tax-free money for your kid’s lost teeth. You have to KNOW stuff. Like whether or not a praying mantis has a bootie. It’s a big responsibility, I admit. And yes, a praying mantis has a bootie. Doesn’t it?

Current Hobbies: All things animals, wrestling (“fight, daddy!”), clobbering his brother, painting, looking at daddy’s peppers, playing in the pool (any pool, we don’t have one).

Shows: He’s now big into Star Wars, Backyardigans, Diego

Music: Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself” is still his favorite, but he really likes Tears for Fears and Iggy Pop.

Colin is every bit as fearless as his brother. He walks/runs around the house with no trouble, and much like Lyndon was, he launches himself into people, food and walls Mike Tyson-style: headfirst. He also makes it difficult to admonish Lyndon when he gets too rough with Colin, because Colin laughs about it. He’s begun to show a little pre-terrible two volatility, as well, and that’s always a good time. Sometimes it’s as simple as say taking away a buzz saw or a can of pepper spray from him, and he immediately collapses on the floor as if he found I lost his college savings on one spin of the roulette wheel (note to self: begin college savings so that I may someday win big at roulette). He’s saying a lot more, too, but his most common expression isn’t a word at all: he just points at stuff and says, “Dathsss.” That’s how it sounds, anyway. He says real words like “Daddy,” “Mamma,” “Backpack,” “No,” “Lenny” and others, but “dathsss” rules the day. Say it to yourself -- it's kind of addictive. He also loves music and dancing a lot more than his brother. Colin likes to kick out the jams. I caught him breakdancing while watching "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" the other day. OK, that's not true. It's actually disturbing to joke about. He really likes slapping my bald head and LOVES milk. This kid drinks about 11 gallons of milk a day. He should be 100 pounds by now, but he's still pretty small for a kid his age. Go figure. He still only has about six teeth but is still able to eat just about anything he wants. He is basically a meat and potatoes boy, and rarely eats much fruit. I don't get it, because I thought everyone loved fruit. It probably gets in the way of his milk consumption.